I often bump into people who tell me gilded tales of creatures from far off places like china, Alaska and west valley and have decided to catalog the most fearsome and intriguing of these creatures. So without further delay here are my top ten imaginary creatures:
5. Leprechauns
As the myth goes these delightful little rapscallions are full of trickery and hide a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. If you were lucky enough to catch one they could grant wishes as well as lead you to said pot of gold. I, like most eager youth heard this story and set out to catch one of these delightful fellows and was successful to an extent. Although I never saw any gold and very few wishes were granted, I did have a leprechaun in captivity for a matter of months. However my cleaning lady alerted the authorities and my leprechaun was set free. Although the courts forbid me to say much more about my leprechaun I will tell you that he has a delightful reality show on TLC.
4. The Abominable Snowman
First let me start of by saying I tried to do my research on this and watched 2 movies both named Jack Frost. One was about a overworked father played by Michael Keaton who, like real life, is accidentally turned into a snowman to help him realize life without the family he has been ignoring for many years. The second was about a snowman who goes on a murderous rampage. I contend that if someone were to splice these two movies together you would not be able to tell the difference and in the end I still feel my 4 year old could watch it and still would never fear the likes of a ball of snow shaped like a man. I assume the Abominable Snowman is king of all snow man so taking into account my previous analysis I picture a snowman only bigger. Regardless the fact that a mountainous people in the Himalayas still quiver at the mention of a giant snowman will forever be one of life's little mysteries.
3. Eskimos
Is there anything more threatening to the ocean wildlife then the dreaded "Eskimo"? A myth created in the 50's by animal activists to derail the use of environmentally friendly whale blubber, the "Eskimo" is responsible for many trends including slippers, winter weight gain, and gasoline snuffing. The coined phrase, "I didn't do it....must have been an Eskimo" is still used today in many political circles.
2. The Nothing
I have posted 20 photos of "The Nothing" beware. Whats that you say? you can not see them.....well that is the biggest threat from the nothing is nothingness. What is more menacing then "The Nothing" which brings with it the power of nothingness? When I pray at night I am always aware that "The Nothing" could be hiding under my bed or worse yet, "The Nothing" may be accompanied by "the Something"! This is what nightmares are made of. Without the ability to post any other evidence of the nothing I decided to post this video that makes all girls, children, and senior citizens hate the nothing as much as me.
1. Steve Jobs
I think all of you have heard of this amazing work of fiction. Steve Jobs is actually a Pseudonym for computer genius Bill Gates. Gates used stock footage of a janitor from his college days and would attach specialized marketing messages to help sell defective products not fit for Microsoft's client base and at an inflated price. Gates, not wanting to be accused of piracy invented Steve Jobs to take the brunt of the criticisms. However many bought into the concept of paying 300 dollars for repackaged products and suddenly the myth of Steve Jobs was born. Many still will argue fervently about the truth of this myth which is why he tops my list.
