Top 10 Monsters of All Time

This blog is basicly my literary playground. You may not like my posts and they may range from sappy to downright offensive. So without further ado....Here is my top ten monsters of all time!!!!

10. Count Orlock from Nosferatu

When it comes to vampires I like 'em bald and freakishly ugly. The #1 rule of the vampire world is that if you are a vampire that looks like Robert Pattinson you are the Clay Aiken of the vampire world. Count Orlock Has no chance of fooling the ladies into submission with is freakish glare and unnerving snaggle teeth. The best is that when he is spotted he does the "Angry Deer in the Headlights" pose. For all these reasons alone he is my number 10.

9. The Lollypop Guild

Oh the nightmares these delightful half men provided for me when I was young. Not only were their haircuts enough to force any youngling to picture a miniature devil and Robert De Niro, but the fact they came bearing sweets brought back a huge coktail of stranger danger teachings as well as threats from my dentist.

8. The Wheelers from Return to Oz

Ahhhhhhh the Wheelers. These guys made me fall into the fetal position anytime I heard a squeaky wheel at the grocery store. Why these guys still give me the creeps is unknown but I think it has something to do with the streamers they add to those marti gra masks. Also I hope you are noticing the trend that this is the second member of the land of Oz to make it on this list…..Kids movie my tookus.

7. Boy on Bike from In the Mouth of Madness

This scene is one of those that haunts you anytime you are driving at night. Although it really did not enhance the show it provided the lingering creep factor for years to come….and some forced snuggle time with my wife who was my girlfriend at the time.

6. An Angry Mickey Rooney

Is there anything scarier than the Mickster gnashing his teeth while running towards you at the speed of a sickly dog? I don't think so!! Mickey Rooney who I colorfully refer to as the un-ironed dwarf, gives the same looks of disgust my grandfather used to give when I refused to rub his feet. Either way when Mickey's beady little eyes lock on you with that rabid raccoon stare it is the very definition of fear.

5. Meowing Boy from the Grudge

What's scarier than a Japanese boy? A Japanese boy with a Beatles' haircut, What's scarier than that? If said Japanese boy is white enough to make an albino look tan, what is scarier than that? If the same boy meow's like a cat whose tail gets yanked by a toddler. Being Japanese you would think I could shed some insight into the artist concepts behind this catnip toddler but I have no clue. All I can say is, "Kids this is why Drugs are Bad".

4. Darkness from Legend

Now let's be clear. I am no fan of Satan but if I was forced to invite the devil to a dinner party I would hope he looks like this. By far the best movie devil ever created, I almost considered a career in the dark arts because of this character that is until I learned that under all of that latex and makeup it was the wimpy butler from the movie Clue. Regardless I remember holding deer antlers up to my temples and charging my sister which I still believe is acceptable behavior all thanks largely to this character.

3. Quato from Total Recall

Whoa! Is that indigestion.....no maybe it is just irritable bowel syndrome.....no wait i know it is a mind reading mutant who has chosen me as his sembiant and now will randomly blurt forth from my bread basket! Silly me I was worried it might be something serious! Quato is one of the few characters that can make Arnold Schwarzanegger appear to be the normal one. "Quaid........Quaid....".

2. Hand from Evil Dead 2

There is so much good in this movie it is hard to pick one event but some of the best moments from my childhood can be traced back to this one scene. Not much more to say other then Enjoy!

1. Katy Perry

Has any one person caused more damage to modern day civilization then Katy Perry? With here anti-siren's song she has caused more people to lose hope in droves as all the extremely untalented now have an idol. He screech causes animals to scatter and plants to perish. Her boyish good looks have caused mass confusion from coast to coast. Her song firework gave me to simultaneous ear infections as well as weeks of therapy. Beware the threat is real.